First I have to interject that I give this not out of necessity. I serve in a wonderful ministry where there is much grace and love and these matters have not touched our relationship. However, I also know of men who have struggled and are still struggling with some of these attitudes and issues.
Keeping to the purpose of my blog I feel it fits to help others by passing this along so that we can be fit "for the work" of Christ. So, without further ado, here are Dan Burrell's comments.
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In the last week, I’ve spent time talking with three pastors who are about ready to throw in the proverbial towel. Each case is different and no two pastors, churches, boards or any other “part” of church leadership is exactly the same, but what is common among them is a sense of deep despair. Sadly, in the last week, I’ve also heard of two colleagues in the ministry who ended their ministry with a catastrophic failure — one of them a rising evangelical leader who admitted to an affair. Not in every case, but in some cases, I’ve noticed a correlation to the thought processes between those who burnout in ministry and those who “flame out” due to sin. But whether you burnout, flame out, drop out or rust out — out is still out.I am now two years beyond my own decision to step away from the Senior Pastorate, so I hope I can be a bit more objective about a topic like this than I might have been 24 short months ago. As for my own situation, I had my own reasons for changing the nature of my ministry and I am not looking back. For the cynical or others, nothing I write in this article should be construed as anything more or less than what it is — an opinion piece from someone who has sat on both sides of the pulpit for the last 25 years of ministry and who is still engaged in pastoral ministry — just from a different perspective in recent months.
I don’t pretend to write for every pastor out there, but I spend a lot of time with pastors and former pastors. There are some trends that are impacting pastoral leadership at this time that I think impact churches and their leaders. There are some frailties and vulnerabilities that any man called to be a pastor is naturally going to carry into his responsibilities. Add to that the spiritual warfare that is incumbent upon being a spiritual shepherd (or undershepherd). It is with these realities in mind that I offer some things that I’m guessing your pastor wishes you knew about him.
1. Bible College and Seminary Weren’t Enough
I don’t care where your pastor went to school, they did not and could not possibly prepare him for all that a pastor faces. Today’s pastor must be an extraordinary communicator, an effective administrator, somewhat astute to legalities and business procedures, a counselor, a therapist and a dozen other roles that today’s high-expectation church member often expects from their pastor.
Though many will say that’s what boards and staff are for, that thinking simply isn’t based in reality. The expectation is that the Pastor should be able to protect the church, lead the church, inspire the church and manage the church. Failure to function in those four primary departments may jeopardize the support level he enjoys from the congregation.
Much of the experience and expertise in those areas needs to be learned and earned over time. That fact has lead me to a personal conclusion that we should discuss pastoral internships more seriously in seminaries and church leadership circles.
2. Good Sermon Preparation Takes Time
If your pastor is going to accurately and thoroughly present the Word to your congregation, he must have study time. The best pastors and Bible teachers will tell you that for every one hour of teaching or preaching, about eight hours of study is optimum. Your pastor may make it look simple, but it isn’t. Typically, your pastor may need 3-4 fresh preparations in a week (particularly if he speaks outside the church a lot or if he is a solo pastor.)
It is not realistic to expect your pastor to attend every function, make every hospital visit, lead every meeting, make an appearance at every social, go to every shut-in and still be brilliant in the pulpit 2-3 times per week. A pastor should be about leading and shepherding and equipping the church for the work of the ministry. Certainly every pastor should attend “some” functions, make hospital visits on occasion, attend important meetings, drop in a socials when possible and take the time to minister to the shut-ins — but to heap all of those responsibilities (plus the administration of the church, personal growth exercises and other important tasks) is not just unreasonable, it is inhumane.
If each Bible study teacher, each deacon, each elder, each staff member took some of these responsibilities, everyone and everything would be covered and all would be blessed as they fulfill their spiritual giftedness in the work of the ministry.
3. His Family is Important Too
Your pastor needs time with his children and spouse. If his marriage fails, his ministry is likely over. If his kids don’t turn out right, his grief will be deep, his regrets will be suffocating and his reputation will be diminished. You will bless your pastor and your church by freeing him to be with his family.
For years, I’ve often told my pastors to look at their day in three parts — Morning,
Afternoon and Evening — each comprised of about 4 hours. On average, it is reasonable to expect that those in the ministry will work at least 14-16 “parts” over a week’s time. That way, we should have at least 5 - 7 morning/afternoons/nights available for family time. Remember that a pastor who preaches and teaches the Word is working — it isn’t the same as sitting in the pew. It is physically exhausting and emotionally draining. Most pastors go into “Sunday mode” on Saturday evening and aren’t much of a “family guy” then. If they have a Saturday night service, move that “mode” to Saturday around noon.According to that formula, your pastor needs one full day off and 2-4 evenings free. If he can’t get those evenings free, then he should take a morning or an afternoon when he can to compensate for the lost evenings.
Another blessing you might share with your pastor is to give him a gift card for dinner out on his birthday or at Christmas or if you own a condo at the beach or a vacation home in the mountains, offer to let him take his family there for a few days. These small tokens can be a fresh encouragement when relationships get neglected. Being able to run to a restaurant with your spouse and pay for it with a gift card is a double blessing.In cases of extreme crisis — a wayward child, substantial marriage difficulty — be willing to send your pastor to professional help, a retreat or some intervention. If you don’t think pastors ever have family problems, then you are naive. This is a great time to practice the Golden Rule and ask one’s self what they would appreciate if the roles were reversed. The investment of giving your pastor a week or even a month off to deal with a family crisis is far cheaper than the process of kicking him to the curb and looking for a new pastor — not to mention more Biblical.
4. Be Kind if You Have a Criticism
Your pastor is going to make some mistakes. I certainly made my share of bone-headed decisions over the years. And, if the truth be told, sometimes the pastor won’t see them as quickly as everyone else does. No pastor has a corner on the Truth and no pastor is above criticism, correction or simple advice. But when you approach your pastor with something you’re concerned about, address the problem without attacking the person.
Pastoring is interesting in that no decision a pastor ever makes is received positively by everyone. That would also include no sermon, no vision, no counsel,
no strategy, no hire, no building campaign and the list goes on and on. So before bringing your offense to the pastor, it would wise to pause and ask yourself, “Is this important enough to complain about or to place on the pastor’s mind?” Some things are — certainly things that deal with Theology, ethics, morality and legal matters should be addressed. Some things simply aren’t — personal peeves and preferences, gossip, many traditions and irritations.Some pastors, when faced with the cacophony of criticisms, suggestions, problems and hissy fits they regularly confront, simply shut down — overwhelmed by the torrent and unable to prioritize, distinguish and discern what is legitimate and what is simply whining. Others will respond defensively at first, but after a while, the Holy Spirit guides them to acknowledgement of the validity of the issue. A stiff-necked and unapproachable pastor will soon lose credibility and will probably require a confrontation initiated by spiritual leadership with the church. But it is wise for all of us to measure our words correctly and to do as the Scripture tells us and “entreat as a brother” as opposed to rebuking an elder with hostility, demands or threats.
5. Give Your Pastor Time to Grow
Sadly, the average term (depending on several factors) of a pastor in America today is somewhere between 2 and 5 years. Yet, all the research tells us that a pastor’s most effective years take place after the 10th year of ministry at a congregation. It is not until a pastor marries, buries, cries and works with a majority of his congregation that he can really “connect” intimately with them as a family member might. Relationships simply take time — most of us who are married realize that the longer one is married the more we learn about patience, perseverance and unconditional love.
This is particularly true if you have a young pastor. I was twenty-nine when I became a Senior Pastor. Thankfully, our church was rather small (fewer than 300) at the time. The Lord tremendously blessed and in short order the church doubled in size and then went on to triple. But the growing pains that we went through together were extraordinary. How they put up with me for a decade, I’ll never know. I was so blessed to have some of the most wonderful and Godly elders surrounding me that I’ve ever known. They encouraged, counseled, cautioned and sometimes just let me go and in the process — I learned and the Lord blessed. They let me grow up and grow deep and though I was the youngest among them, they respected my position while offering me wise and Godly counsel. I love them to this day. I’m grateful for their patience.
Your pastor will make some bone-headed decisions. Sometimes you’ll be frustrated with how he arranges his priorities or handles problems. Sometimes you’ll have to clean up his messes and occasionally, you might have to speak earnestly and honestly with him. But like rearing children, dealing with aging parents, settling in to married life or maintaining a life-long friendship — it takes time and patience and grace.
6. Your Pastor probably views you differently than you view him.
Being someone’s pastor is actually a very intimate experience. If your pastor is a good one — he loves you. He’s been there during some of your most difficult moments. He’s caught tears, perhaps had to be the one to tell you difficult news, has seen you at your best and at your worst. You may have confided some personal things in him that are known only to you, him and God as you work through the consequences of sin, personal tragedies and other pains. He has invested his heart and soul in you by praying for you, weeping with you, perhaps even putting your needs ahead of his or his family’s at times.
Then a church down the street calls a new pastor, builds a new building or offers a service style that you find a bit more appealing and you switch as if you were changing from Wal-Mart to Target or finding a new chiropractor. And of course, people are going to ask “why” and often excuses like “We’re just not being fed” or “Our needs aren’t being met” or “We just need a change” are offered. For you, it’s a new adventure. For him, it feels painfully like rejection.
That’s not to say that there are no good reasons for changing churches. It doesn’t justify those renegade pastors who then grow angry and defensive and say unkind things. It doesn’t mean that you are leaving God’s will for you life necessarily and are making the first step on a trek toward leaving the faith. But it does hurt. Pastors are human too. And while you may see him as a distant leader or provider of services, if he knows you personally, he probably sees you more like family or a friend. It’s simply a difference in roles and perspective and you might never understand that. Sometimes where you stand on things depends on where you sit. But I think you should know — pastors usually see their church members differently than they are viewed by their church members.
7. Pastors sometimes find it difficult to have friendships.
For better or for worse, there is a celebrity element to being a pastor. If you don’t believe that then check out the New Testament account of those who were “Paul fans” verses those who liked Apollos. A wise pastor resists being viewed as “special”, but this tendency is why humility in leadership is so necessary. Any celebrity, politician or person of wealth will tell you that one of the greatest frustrations is that one never knows which friendships are genuine. There is always the difficulty in knowing who is genuinely a friend or who is simply there to exploit their position or fame or influence. Pastors struggle with this on several levels. Some pastors purposefully choose not to be friends with people in their congregation — it’s too risky in their opinion. Some pastors refuse to have friendships with their staff — they are afraid it will hurt objectivity, communicate favoritism or just simply be too complicated. Some pastors have been burned by past friendships and thus become almost reclusive and over-guarded. Some pastors naturally migrate toward friendships exclusively with peers — fellow pastors who can relate to the unique role and scrutiny being a pastor encompasses.
Several years ago, a pastor of a large and prestigious church in the same city where I was a pastor had a very close friend as a church member. A local seeker-sensitive church in town “caught fire” and all of us were experiencing mass migrations out of our pews to the new “cool/hip” church. His church was among those hardest hit. But then his very best friend, the person who had introduced him to the church before he was pastor, his closest confident, took him to lunch and let him know that he was leaving for the new “fellowship”. The pastor said all the perfunctory things about following the Lord, etc… and then went to his already scheduled staff meeting. After he opened with prayer, he looked at his team of pastors — broke down in wracking sobs, explained what had just happened, apologized and excused himself. I wish that wasn’t the only story like this that I’ve heard, but I’ve got many more — people meeting privately for the “dismissal” of their pastor, people trying to arrange financial gain/business with the church, people who expected their sins to be covered and undealt with — all while claiming “friendship”.
I don’t have any solutions to this. I’ve experienced it personally. I don’t know of many pastors who haven’t. It is what it is. But maybe it will give you some insight into your Pastor’s world.
8. Your pastor may well be different out of the pulpit than when he’s in the pulpit
and that doesn’t necessarily make him a hypocrite.
I’ve laughed over the years at how people often describe me — outgoing, super confident, “people person”, extrovert. I can understand why they would say that, but they don’t know the “real me”. The “real me” is actually rather shy, mostly an introvert, hopes that the people in the seat next to him in the airplane go to sleep and don’t want to talk, am a veritable cauldron of insecurities and often would rather have a quiet evening at home with his family or a book than be with a large group of people. So why do they suddenly go “electric” when they walk behind the lectern? It’s a God thing. It’s His gift, His calling, His annointing — whatever you want to call it. Moses experienced it. Coarse Peter overcame his own proclivities. Odd John the Baptist certainly got beyond his idiosycracies enough that he was heard. The delivery of the Gospel is never about the man, but always about the message — so don’t get too enamored or distracted by the amplification system.
Some of my most important spiritual moments have regularly been before I preached on a topic that God had led me to address, but on which I was still struggling. Your pastor probably doesn’t sleep in a suit, sing praise choruses before every meal and memorizes Spurgeon and the Reformers in lieu of watching Reality TV. He has morning breath, he sometimes fusses with his wife, he yells at the kids when they forget to take the dog out and he steps in a wet spot on the carpet, gets frustrated in heavy traffic and might have a secret affinity for Roller Coasters or deer hunting or restoring old cars. In other words — he’s just a regular guy. He certainly isn’t perfect. But if he’s a good pastor, he’s earnest and sincere and also man enough to admit his faults and make them right when he needs to do so.
Take time to get to know your pastor as a person before you make huge assumptions about him as a “professional”. You might be shocked at how much like you he really is even though your callings are different.
9. Your Pastor has bills too.
This area is touchy. There’s nothing like a conversation about money to get people stirred up. Let me just say this. Scripture is very clear that spiritual leadership should be supported by the tithes and offerings of the people who benefit from and need their ministry. It’s God’s plan. Paul referenced it as the “double honor”. Someday, your pastor will need a home to live in that isn’t owned by the church. There will come a day when he will need, because of age or infirmity, to transition out of being a full-time pastor so he needs a retirement strategy. (There are few things sadder than a pastor who has faithfully served a congregation for years and years who can’t “afford” to retire and thus inflicts himself on a poor church or has to beg for “meetings” because he has no income. Many pastors foolishly opt out of Social Security and when it comes time to fund their 403b retirement plans, they get cut because of tight budgets.) Your pastor’s kids need to go to college. There are weddings that need to be paid for, children that need braces, cars that need repaired.
Please don’t demean him by noting every purchase he makes, vacation he takes or gift he receives with a “It must be nice to be in the ministry to be able to afford that!” or “I guess that explains that special offering last month!” or some other witty little cutting remark that puts him on the defensive. It’s unkind and petty. Stop it. Instead, show some maturity and say something like, “Wow….I’m so pleased that God has blessed you and provided that for you. If anyone deserves it — you do!” and then notice how you are blessed for rejoicing with those who are rejoicing and how he is blessed in receiving your kind words.
If you think your pastor is a crook, given to filthy lucre, too wealthy — then confront him Biblically or shut up. If you are a church leader and wonder what is appropriate compensation, may I recommend a study that is produced each year called the “Church Compensation Report” and HERE’s the link to it.
Finally, I want to state for the record that all three of the churches where I have ministered have been a genuine blessing to me and my family in this regard. They very generously honored us with a living wage, they gave me freedom to write, teach and speak which allowed me to squirrel away money for life’s unexpected or bigger expenses as they came and provided me with the necessary tools for ministry. I wish every pastor was treated as I have been treated in the matter of financial support.
10. Your pastor loves the work of the ministry.
You might say, “duh” — but I would ask, how many people do you know who really, deep down inside, would like to be doing something else as a vocation? If you are like me — a ton. Preaching the Gospel, seeing people accept Christ, watching lives transformed by Truth, seeing healing and reconciliation occur in families — wow….that’s just the best.
Over the years, I have wearied over the administrative load of ministry. I do not get excited about trying to get budgets to balance, dealing with maintenance issues, making sure that risk-management is taken into consideration every time we start a new initiative and dealing with governmental and even church bureaucracy and politics. But that’s simply the price a pastor pays for being able to stand up, open the Word of God and share what the Holy Spirit has laid on his heart for that day. I can be absolutely exhausted, frustrated, depressed or overwhelmed, but the moment I crack open my Bible before a group of people ready to hear — I realize once again that I’m doing what I was created to do. Whether you pastor a mega-church, lead a Sunday School class, host a home Bible study or simply leading your family in devotions — when you are called to the ministry of the Word, everything is as it should be every time you get the chance. It simply doesn’t get much better than that!
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